The Mask

Happy Halloween. Although the metaphor is rather trite, I feel that people often pretend to be something that they aren't. Sometimes it's to seem better than they are, more powerful, more in control or simply to hide what they are or what they feel. Everyone wears a costume on Halloween, but people wear masks almost every day.

Dealing with paralysis is hard, end of story. However, sometimes it seems better or easier to deal with. In reality, it's a struggle where there are rarely good days, only not bad days. I'm not sure about the rest of you, but there are times when I don't want people to know whether I'm sad, upset, angry or any other feeling. Those emotions are personal and it's our decision whether we allow other people in.

Countless numbers of times I find myself emanating happiness when, the truth is, I'm not happy at all. Sometimes I just don't know how to deal with the situation and the way I choose to deal with it is to put on a happy face so that people don't hassle me. It's probably not the healthiest way of dealing with my problems but my philosophy is that if I can't deal with my problems, nobody else will be able to.

This doesn't mean that I'm always lying about how I feel. Maybe I embellish a little but there's no harm in that. I suppose this week's message is to be honest with yourself. You can lie to everybody else, but you can't lie to yourself. Grab your problems and your emotions by the horn and face them head on. One thing I've learned is that if you're in a bad mood you have the ability to snap out of it. The famous line "don't worry, be happy," isn't just a really annoying song, it's actually sound advice.

For those of you who are going trick-or-treating, enjoy yourselves. Notice all the kids in their costumes of superheroes, famous athletes, mythical creatures and scary stuff and just think about what I've said. They idolize people or images they really don't know because it makes them feel powerful or athletic or scary. Sometimes, we do the same.

Beginnings

Hello everyone. This is my first of many blogs. I plan on making this blog as resourceful as possible, while also giving insight to my personal life and thoughts so that you may get a grasp of what a person who is paralyzed deals with day to day.

Before my stroke, I would never have thought that I would end up paralyzed for the rest of my life. You see people in wheelchairs, but it never occurs to you that at any moment you could end up in the same situation. It just never even occurs to you. I learned quickly that health is fickle. It's sincerely one of those things that you don't know what you have until it's gone.

After the immediate reaction, which is mainly fear and anxiety, the question of, "why did this happen to me?" starts to build in your head. In my particular situation, I never got an answer nor will I ever get an answer. My paralysis was not caused by attempting something dangerous or an accident that I could've prevented. There is no rhyme or reason, which makes everything much more frustrating and confusing.

It's been a little over a year now since my stroke, and, I've made an enormous amount of progress. I'm proud of myself for pushing my body to its limit. I'm proud of my family for sticking by me through every situation. I'm lucky that I am healthy given the circumstances. However, every day is a battle to stay motivated and positive. It's definitely not easy and in the future entries  I'll divulge some of the positive and negative things that I  endure.